Kmac:
So
part of why Force Watch is late this week is that I was really dragging
my feet about watching Hostel. I have had a non negotiable ban on
horror movies since a particularly traumatizing run during my Middle
School years at slumber parties. I figured that Hostel would be nothing
but gratuitous nudity, gratuitous violence, and that I wouldn’t sleep
for a week. Two out of Three.
The
nudity in this movie is insane. For the first hour or so there is no
violence. I’m not prudish but the amount of boobs were senseless. And
they were always there lurking in the background even if not the focus
of the scene. That is the real stalker of this movie. I’m surprised I
didn’t have nightmare about two double D’s following me everywhere. I
imagine even teenage boys have to be like, “ehh it’s a little much.”
The
violence actually didn’t bother me. Maybe it seems faker as an adult.
Possibly it lacks the scream actor of a room full of thirteen year old
girls. Or maybe I am just getting desensitized to movie violence. The
action takes place inside a Hostel in Bratislava that caters to business
men wanting a “The Most Dangerous Game” experience without the hunt. I
guess the draw is that you get to watch how people chose to torture each
other. I don’t get it. This did help add fuel to my Eastern Europe will
definitely kill you argument. If you like gore with no substance then
this might be for you. But if you are expecting legitimate scares this
will leave you cold.
I give this movie 1 out of 5 for the escape sequence that made me care about the movie for about five minutes.
**Here is a tip: If you want a movie about crazy kids backpacking across the pond rent Eurotrip. It is a comedy and a vastly superior movie.
Jmac:
The
Secret Garden was ok I guess... I felt it was entirely too slow to hold
modern child audiences... maybe that says something about our times.
That being said, while I had seen it before as a kid, it was not the
utter bore that I thought it would be as an adult... at least until the
end.. it tends to slow down a bit.
The
true star of the movie is the garden itself with its seemingly magical
ability to bring together would be enemies and reunite torn families. I
was far more interested in the plants and animals in the garden than the
characters themselves... though the girl grows up to be pretty good
looking... not that big of an acting career thought.
The
movie in typical 90’s fashion tries to teach the viewer about things
such as whick.. which I was always told was quick (the green in a
plant's stem or branch to show that although it appears dead it is still
alive, waiting to bloom).
The
story follows that of a little now semi aristocratic girl who is forced
to move to her uncle’s estate in England after her parent’s die in
India... from what seems like an elephant stampede.. its not really
clear. From her uncle’s estate she starts work on her dead aunt’s secret
garden and in so doing she mends her relationship to the outside world
and the relationship between her uncle and her cousin.
If not for the bits of boredom and the length of the movie I give it 3.1 bunnies somehow playing with deer out of 5.
PS: The kids should really enjoy this one if only they have the ability to sit through it.
Sorry its late.... had a lot of work for the real job.
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